A Chorus of Amens
How my family returned to the Eucharist and why I finally got a driver’s license after driving illegally for about 20 years.
“Really, it’s not a goal for me to be reconciled with you at all.”
Lisa and I got into one hell of a fight one date night
Our marriage was already on the rocks, and then one night everything came crashing down. It involved Lisa taking my car and leaving me in the middle of Old Town for an hour, full on screaming, me taking the girls to my mom’s as a threat, what felt like a thousand people doing their best to help, and the hope of a couple slices of pizza.
What followed was months of therapy, long—oh so long—late night conversations, drunk driving, the worst Christmas I’ve ever experienced, and restoration. As we went through the process, I saw more and more all that I failed to do and be in our relationship as well as many times where I created an environment in our house where Lisa didn’t feel safe and had no hope for our future.
This project became a 30,000 word tome
While the focus of the essay was on our marriage, there was also the matter of finally getting a Driver’s License after driving illegally for about 20 years. There was so much that was addressed during the time that she and I began our work.
I could’ve carved everything out into three or four different posts, but that felt disingenuous to the actual transformation and repentance our family went through. Also, I wanted to communicate the scope of all that I addressed. So I included portions of the liturgy from our wedding, the legal documents and police reports regarding the debacle of my license, text messages from friends who confirmed that I’ve been a jerk, and a brief overview of an Orthodox understanding of the Eucharist and why my family did not receive it during this time.
Honestly, this may turn into a book and audiobook as I have the time to republish the piece. If I were to now describe it, I would say this is a memoir. It’s not like your standard blog that one could read over their lunch break; it’s a weekend read.
I wanted to take my time and I wanted readers to do the same.
“The servant of God, John Mark, receives the Body and Blood of the Lord Jesus Christ…”
I end the piece by guiding the reader through another liturgy. This section is the climax of the entire essay. My family, after months of repentance, reconnection, pastoring and therapy, rebuilding trust, my time spent with other teenagers taking driving tests at the DMV, and all that went into our healing, received the Eucharist together.
As we did, since we were deeply connected with fellow brothers and sisters who walked with us through this journey, joined us and gave an “amen” as we gave a quiet testimony of what repentance can look like. In the grand scheme of the universe, and from those looking in, that little two minute exchange in our church’s coffee shop could be endearing at best. But that moment was everything. It was the beginning of this massive endeavor to try and communicate all that had occurred during that season of our life.
I’m really proud of this project. It’s a really great example of my most comfortable writing style as a kind of pastoral memoir. yes, I’m vulnerable, yes it’s a long read, and yes I did receive comments from my new readers at how they wish I would’ve broken it up into a series, but I don’t know if I’d change it. In fact, from this project, I’ve since doubled down. It’s now become a project with a tone and pitch of writing that I think I want to be known for. Also, I now have proof regarding my now spotless diving record.
